Responding with Grace

Being human is difficult! As humans who are people of faith, we are called to take many of the difficult situations, feelings and events of our lives and turn them upside down in ways that defy human logic and emotion. Scripture tells us,

"Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:9)

Here is a story I came across recently:

Claire visited the same coffee shop every morning on the way to work. Mr. Harris was always there at the corner table. If someone was talking too loudly, he complained. If the line moved slowly, he sighed dramatically. He rarely smiled, never said thank you loudly enough to be heard, and always seemed irritated by something. Claire had quietly decided she didn't like him.

One day the barista accidentally made his drink with whole milk instead of oat milk. Mr. Harris was visibly angry. "This isn't right," he said vehemently. Claire rolled her eyes and thought, "Wow, what a jerk! I can see that nothing is ever good enough for him." The young barista apologized and hurried to make another drink. Mr. Harris nodded stiffly and returned to his table.

Later, Claire overheard the shop owner speaking softly with the barista. "Don't take it personally," he said. "His wife died six months ago. They came here every Thursday for twenty-eight years." Claire stopped in her tracks and felt an immediate ache in her heart. She looked toward the corner table where Mr. Harris was sitting, and for the first time, she didn't see a difficult person. She saw an empty chair and an empty heart.

The next Thursday, Claire arrived to find Mr. Harris struggling to carry his drink and open the door. So, she hurried over and asked, "May I help?" He hesitated, but then nodded a reluctant "yes." As they walked outside, he said quietly, "Thank you." His voice sounded tired, more than mean and difficult. 

Over the next several weeks, they exchanged small conversations. She learned he had been a teacher, he loved gardening and he missed laughing with someone over coffee. He still complained sometimes. He still frowned often. He still wasn't easy. But Claire noticed some things she had not noticed before. He also held doors for strangers, remembered the baristas' names and he always left a generous tip. These parts of him had been there all along. Claire had just not noticed. 

One morning he apologized after snapping at an employee. "I'm still learning how to be alone," he admitted. This made Claire smile as she thought to herself, "Aren't we all learning something?" Driving to work that day, Claire realized grace isn't pretending difficult behavior is pleasant. Grace isn't allowing people to mistreat others. Grace is choosing not to reduce a person to their hardest moments and to see beyond poor behavior into the heart of a person. Grace is remembering that everyone carries a story you probably cannot see. People might carry joy, fear, or grief so heavy it spills into ordinary conversations. Giving grace doesn't mean accepting every sharp word or abandoning healthy boundaries. It means refusing to let someone's worst day become the way you define them. 

From then on, whenever Claire met someone who seemed impossible to please, or someone who got under her skin, she asked herself one simple question before making up her mind:

"What burden might I be unable to see?"

She didn't always get an answer. But asking the question made her heart softer and she was more able to respond with grace.

My heart needed this reminder right now. Maybe yours does too!

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Grace and Peace,

-Pastor Madeline